Add value to any conversation about Football, or accept the concept that it is in any way some kind of valuable or important pastimeWell known for my ability to inject impressive insights such as "DO A GOAL!" and "KICK ON THE BALL!"- It's true to say that the only thing that can ever get in the way of the enthusiasm I have for football is my complete and utter lack of enthusiasm for football.
If I wanted to see a bunch of men aggressively kicking something around a field, I'd go and live in Wales. Whilst I've never actually seen this happen in Wales, it's a stereotype that somehow makes a vast amount of sense in my head but thinking about it now, this is probably more related to the hugely unfair level of disdain I have for the country in general.
My favourite teams are the red ones, although failing that I will happily support the blue ones too. Luckily these days I don't often find myself trapped in a pub surrounded by men fixated by green static lamps, but whenever I do I make a point of repeatedly asking them to explain the rules whilst purposefully struggling with comprehension and attention. Whenever it seems like they're getting irritated by this, I ramp up the feigned enthusiasm to truly intolerable levels. Depending on how gullible the target is, I can sometimes entertain myself with this for the entire ninety minutes - usually I dip my toe in at the start by enquiring if the game is Arsenal against England.
Possibly because of the above, people don't tend to invite me to watch football down the pub all that often these days, which is brilliant. I can kind of understand the appeal - to an extent - but essentially it seems like a pretty brain-dead and worthless outlet for human passion. I mean, it's easy to argue that most things people get passionate about are often well known for being repetitive or unoriginal; but there's only so much variety to be had when it comes to the medium of twenty-two pricks running round a field.
BALL BALL BALL, FOOTY FOOTY FOOTY!
Oh man, this makes me so sad.
ReplyDeleteI understand people who don't like football, but the "22 pricks running round a field" is on the same level as describing videogames as "pushing a button and wiggling a joystick". Football, and all sports, are about much more than the actual game. It's about stories, man. No-one who likes football is watching to see which team scored the most in 90 minutes, really. They're watching it to talk about what happens next, to share incredulity at its capricious twists and turns, to bet, to bitch, to crack jokes. Personally, I love the stats and the history. I love knowing that El Salvador lost 10-1 to Hungary in the 1982 World Cup, while they were in the midst of a civil war, and that the match was so famous that they held a replay decades later.
If you're not in it, you may never be in it, and that's cool. There's a lot wrong with football. But it runs deeper than one sphere and 22 legs.