Day 32: Hangover Tips

Hangovers are awful - and whilst there's no decent cure, over the years i've developed a fairly strong collection of battle tactics for dealing with these evil beasts. There's a lot of mumbo jumbo banded about within the subject: Not long ago I endured an insatiable cunt on the telly waxing lyrical about the benefits of rubbish lime into your armpits and jogging on the spot, which was a stark reminder of the insane amount of useless advice thrust around the world on a daily basis.

So here we go - a selection of tried and tested hangover recovery/prevention techniques:

POWERADE!

Or Gatorade - if it's still about in the UK...? - isn't like ordinary energy drinks, because it contains 'electrolytes'. Amazingly, this isn't just a pseudoscience buzz word: Electrolytes cause your body to rapidly absorb whatever they're mixed with, which means that whilst a glass of water will eventually rehydrate your dry, shrivelled brain, Powerade will do it remarkably quickly - knocking the edge off an immobilizing headache in around 20 minutes, and zapping away that evil dried mouth feeling very quickly indeed.

SPLISHY SPLASHY

Great trick I learnt from an American barman - when you wake up with a cracking headache, this is often caused by your body reacting to the withdrawal of alchohol. It may sound obvious - and dangerous - but if you literally just add a tiny splash of spirits to a glass of water, this new tiny influx can often be enough to get your brain to CHILL THE FUCK OUT a bit.

GIVE ME NUROFEN

This should never become habitual, but a ibuprofen breakfast can really get you out of a tight spot - removing the crippling brain pain for long enough for your body to get itself in gear a bit and start moving around. If you suspect that tomorrow may not be pretty, popping a couple before you go to sleep will usually sort you out a right treat while you sleep.

PLENTY OF WATER

Obvious obvious advice, but it's amazing how much of a difference this makes. Most hangovers can be mostly avoided by drinking at least 2 pints of water before you go to bed. If you're battered, stay up and drink 4 of 5 pints - this will usually require you to stay up until 3 or 4 in the morning while you placate yourself with television or videogames, but being sleep deprived and clear headed is usually much more preferable than going to bed early and waking up with the apocalypse inside your head. Usually people think it's more important to eat something - but this only works earlier in the night: Whacking a kebab in your stomach and passing out will not help your hangover, whereas downing a pint of water will. If your head is spinning when you close your eyes - don't fall asleep!

BUT NOT TOO MUCH WATER...

This applies more to the following day - if you're not careful then too much water will wash out your body's salt levels, which will make you feel rough. If you're not aware of this, it's easy to just keep drinking water to try and make yourself feel better, which won't work. The best way to avoid this:

HAVE A FRY UP

Go on, bacon is brilliant.

VITAMIN B, BITCH

Really takes the edge off that whole 'oh my god I want to destroy the universe with my fucking fists' vibe. Drinking totally depletes your Vitty B reserves, so the sooner you can top this up the better. Most people usually go mad for the C, as it's notoriously percieved as being the happy juice and everyone loves oranges - but in reality topping up what you've lost should be a priority.

HAVE ANOTHER?

If you've already downed enough drinks to get you into this state, then one more tin of lager is hardly going to make a difference. Waking up and having a booze breakfast feels remarkably wrong, but the benefits massively outweigh the negatives; just one drink will remove your headache, and make you feel tons better for the rest of the day.

And fuck it, you don't have to be back in work until Monday.

EDIT: Oh, and please feel free to share your own tried and tested techniques, just so I don't feel UTTERLY ALONE IN THE UNIVERSE. Comments shouldn't be locked, so it won't involve much faffing. xx