Day 3

Exactly a month ago today, I gave up smoking. Considering my proven track record of failure however, this time I decided to get a little help in the form of patches. Honestly, they've been amazing.

People have been congratulating me for the past month or so, but I can't honestly say I've felt like it's been deserved - if anything I've been pumping more nicotine into my system than I was before when I was puffing away. I've been without the patches now for 2 days though, which means the real challenge has just begun.

In the time I spent studying Psychology at Uni, the one thing that fascinated me most was the way we're able to justify the reasons behind the choices and actions we make on a daily basis. It seems reasonable admittedly, but what gives any of us the right to presume we're in any way capable of comprehending how our own minds work? I always find the way we deal with the subconscious really amusing: It's widely regarded as being something that does exist - in one way or another - and yet when was the last time anyone used it to justify their behaviour? I for example have just had a Cajun Chicken Burrito for my lunch - and if you were to ask me why I chose this, I'd be able to give you a variety of reasons why, but as far as I'm aware the real motivation for this choice could well be:

A) Today I done an email with a chicken picture in it
B) DUH DHUH DUH DUH DUH PROTEIN

But even then, both of these justifications rely on things that I'm consciously aware of. As a ruckload of studies have shown in the past, people are able to make strong, rational decisions based on knowledge they're not even consciously aware they have, which I've always found fascinating. In my mind, the subconscious is a entity much more biased towards physicality - it looks out for number one. A shadowy council, calling the shots from behind a velvet curtain, leaving the conscious to wipe up the mess with a series of guess work justifications.

Bring physical addiction into the mix, and things get hairy. Over the next few days my mind will be concocting a variety of incredibly thought out justifications for why it'll be OK for me to have just one smoke. It's nothing new when you've been a smoker for years of course, the excuses we're able to concoct are blindingly strong considering all the shit we have to justify, including everyone's favourite - POTENTIAL FUCKING DEATH. And yet we don't carry on because we're physically addicted to an unpleasant substance, we carry on because 'we enjoy it'. In a way, you have to admire the subterfuge though eh?

If there's one thing the human mind excels at, it's the ability to trick ourselves that we're in control. That we know what we're doing, and it's OK. Being tricked by other people is fucking irritating sure, but there's nothing worse than falling for your own tricks, again and again.

So this week, it's time to start treating my brain like the shameless fucking liar that it is.

Wish me luck.