2010 is here, and it's hitting me like a ton of bricks. January? That was just a preamble. Looking at my work diary, it's not likely i'll have any free time until Christmas 2010, and not arriving home from work until 9:00 at night has already become a fairly regular occurance.
I'm not complaining about that though to be honest- as painful as it often is, I genuinely love my job. Today however my optimism has been shattered by the realisation that it is however going to utterly destroy my attempt to complete a year of #oneaday, sadly.
I'll keep it up for as long as I can, but unfortunately I just can't work out a way of reasonably accommodating it into my life. My work is utterly draining, and the minor amount of free time and energy I have remaining at the end of each day is going purely into writing this. I barely manage to balance my work and social life as it is, and writing every day is basically removing a huge chunk of the latter. I've barely even had a chance to play videogames since I started, which is an awful shame as it's basically my favourite thing to do.
I'll keep going for as long as I can, but realisations like this that make me genuinely very miserable. I'm naturally driven towards jobs where the work is remarkably hardcore, but at the same time I'm so very jealous of all the people who can be home by 6 every day, and get the luxury of being able to take functional brain home with them too.
The most frustrating thing of all, is that I really want to do this. It means a lot to me, and I love doing it. But I can't keep doing it through bleary eyes late at night, the full extent of my intelligence and creativity quota sapped by a day at the office. I'm an awful perfectionist, and it's not the fact that I have to write every day of the week that I find so upsetting, it's the fact that I know I'm rushing through most of what I write so I can squeeze in a life on the side.
Anyway, fuck this - i''m going to bed.
Wednesday, 17 February 2010
Monday, 15 February 2010
Day 43: MY SEX IS SO AMAZING (PART 2)
Click here to see part one.
==============================================
From: Davey C pimpin4guns@hotmail.co.uk
Hey man whas happenin? Blood where you gon on dat Twitter shit - was tryin find u but u gone man!!
My man DJ JamJahz made dis well bizting vid of yo new track "So AMazing" and peeps were chattin 2u bout it on twitter but you be gone, man...
ANyway\z check out the vid let me know what ya feelin. Sound is whack but dat shit aint how we roll ye fuck that geek shit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNNEd7CFXpI&feature=player_embedded
U still lookin 4 yo leadin lady? Blood u shud check out ma sister she is well bangin-fit for reeal.
Massive respect love yo work keep it real 4 real.
DAVE-E C LONDON CREWE (Massive UK england 4real)
==============================================
Hey send some pics of her bruv.==============================================
Yo word up word up Sorry for the slownees on this bruv - i got some snaps and that but want to realtalk that shit with my sisters boyfriend - hes my main man y'no so I want 2 to try get somehin a little drrrrty 4 u to give ya a FULL idea of what we're chattin bout here for real. I aint sayin I would cos she's my sister and yeah but hell man that shit is off the hook!!
Yo yo my main man JamJah wants 2 kno what you think of da video review I sent ya - he works in TV over here in da UK and wnts 2 know if he can get an early copy of yr album for a project he's workin' on - could get your ass involved in some of that BROAAAD-CAST shit you hear?
Let me know bruv could be slick - will get my sis's man to get snappin on that dirty shit.
Peace out show (real talk).
DAVE-EC LONDON CREWE
==============================================
Davey,
No worries bruv. I aprpeciate the word you are putting out there for me.
It is much appreciated! We would love to get down with your team and make things happen in the UK. I took a look at the video and I love it.
Give me your infor and I'll give you a call bruv.
Phone #
Anything you can give me. We are moving quick with things right now and me and my team are ready to blow.
Get back to me as soon as you can.
Appreciate the lvoe and the feedback brother.
Much love.
==============================================
For real bruv - I need to speak to my man JamJahh and 2 get 4 his details and shit 4u so we can HOOK THAT SHIT UP.
HE works on this TV channel called Ideal World and if he can sort it we could be able to get your CD shown on that shit 4real. Need JamJah 2 sort shit out first though man and U might need 2 send some pictures and shit - keepin it real 4 real but not too real coz his boss Ethel aint usual featurin this kind of wicked shit on the show, but 4 U Show we can WORK THAT SHIT OUT cos we got to make Ideal World THE IDEAL WORLD, you feel?
But wait up hold up my little sisters man came up good and I got U a good shot of that ass man - let me know if you into that shit, bruv I know she's my sister and I AINT SAYIN I WOULD, but you KNOW I been thinkin about that shit A LOT.
Gon' speak to JamJah bruv will try 2 hook u up with a number
DAVE-E C (Massive 4Real London)
We want to hear all your funny, exciting and crazy Hotmail stories.
Tell us now
==============================================
From: Davey C pimpin4guns@hotmail.co.uk
Date: Tue, 2 Feb 2010 21:49:41 +0000
To: masante86@gmail.com
Subject: Word up Show!
My man DJ JamJahz made dis well bizting vid of yo new track "So AMazing" and peeps were chattin 2u bout it on twitter but you be gone, man...
ANyway\z check out the vid let me know what ya feelin. Sound is whack but dat shit aint how we roll ye fuck that geek shit.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZNNEd7CFXpI&feature=player_embedded
U still lookin 4 yo leadin lady? Blood u shud check out ma sister she is well bangin-fit for reeal.
Massive respect love yo work keep it real 4 real.
DAVE-E C LONDON CREWE (Massive UK england 4real)
==============================================
| From: | masante86@gmail.com |
| Sent: | 02 February 2010 21:51:25 |
| To: | Davey C (pimpin4guns@hotmail.co.uk) |
Hey send some pics of her bruv.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
| From: | Davey C (pimpin4guns@hotmail.co.uk) |
| Sent: | 10 February 2010 12:24:41 |
| To: | masante86@gmail.com |
Yo word up word up Sorry for the slownees on this bruv - i got some snaps and that but want to realtalk that shit with my sisters boyfriend - hes my main man y'no so I want 2 to try get somehin a little drrrrty 4 u to give ya a FULL idea of what we're chattin bout here for real. I aint sayin I would cos she's my sister and yeah but hell man that shit is off the hook!!
Yo yo my main man JamJah wants 2 kno what you think of da video review I sent ya - he works in TV over here in da UK and wnts 2 know if he can get an early copy of yr album for a project he's workin' on - could get your ass involved in some of that BROAAAD-CAST shit you hear?
Let me know bruv could be slick - will get my sis's man to get snappin on that dirty shit.
Peace out show (real talk).
DAVE-EC LONDON CREWE
==============================================
| From: | Michael Asante (masante86@gmail.com) |
| Sent: | 10 February 2010 15:29:57 |
| To: | Davey C (pimpin4guns@hotmail.co.uk) |
Davey,
No worries bruv. I aprpeciate the word you are putting out there for me.
It is much appreciated! We would love to get down with your team and make things happen in the UK. I took a look at the video and I love it.
Give me your infor and I'll give you a call bruv.
Phone #
BlackBerry PIN#
Anything you can give me. We are moving quick with things right now and me and my team are ready to blow.
Get back to me as soon as you can.
Appreciate the lvoe and the feedback brother.
Much love.
==============================================
| From: | Davey C (pimpin4guns@hotmail.co.uk) | ||||
| Sent: | 11 February 2010 22:19:31 | ||||
| To: | masante86@gmail.com | ||||
|
For real bruv - I need to speak to my man JamJahh and 2 get 4 his details and shit 4u so we can HOOK THAT SHIT UP.
HE works on this TV channel called Ideal World and if he can sort it we could be able to get your CD shown on that shit 4real. Need JamJah 2 sort shit out first though man and U might need 2 send some pictures and shit - keepin it real 4 real but not too real coz his boss Ethel aint usual featurin this kind of wicked shit on the show, but 4 U Show we can WORK THAT SHIT OUT cos we got to make Ideal World THE IDEAL WORLD, you feel?
But wait up hold up my little sisters man came up good and I got U a good shot of that ass man - let me know if you into that shit, bruv I know she's my sister and I AINT SAYIN I WOULD, but you KNOW I been thinkin about that shit A LOT.
Gon' speak to JamJah bruv will try 2 hook u up with a numberDAVE-E C (Massive 4Real London)
We want to hear all your funny, exciting and crazy Hotmail stories.
Tell us now
Day 42: Being a Girl
Unashamed exhibitionist that I am, in all honesty it's amazing I've never done it before - but this weekend for the first time I dressed up in drag. My girlfriend Emma had a brilliant time painting my face to 'make me pretty', and the universal comedy value of shoving a couple of balloons inside a t-shirt is something anyone can appreciate.With a black roll-neck jumper, a wig, and some fake glasses, she was going as Andy Warhol. Somewhere along the way I became 'Joyce' - a pretty rough looking thirty-something housewife with a penchant for pottery classes. We set off to a cross-dressing valentines warehouse party called 'Macho Minge' - but it was a few bus journeys away, in Hackney.
At the beginning of the night in particular, the distance to the party seemed vast. As the bus snaked up through South London to Elephant and Castle, I became quite aware that I was the only man on the bus dressed as a woman. I wasn't sure how best to handle this situation, even though I'd had ample time to develop a strategy before leaving the house. Part of me wondered if it might be best to actually pretend to be a woman. I decided that this might end up being a gamble I'd regret however, and realised that there really wasn't any good way of breaching the situation, and instead decided to just stare at the ground in quiet, fearful shame.
Things got better once we left South London however, once we started being surrounded by people who could appreciate the joke. Brilliantly, I'm also pretty damn sure a bunch of pissed polish blokes were genuinely giving me the eye at one point (to be fair, I did have one hell of a rack). Still, after a sustained campaign of blushing, we eventually we got to the party, where things loosened up considerably. It's funny how walking into a room full of bearded men in dresses can have this effect, I'll freely admit.
After spending the night drinking, dancing, and being photographed by questionable men who in retrospect will probably end up doing terrible things with pictures of me, it was time to take my clip-on earrings off and get a taxi home.
Despite the immediately overwhelming sense of "OH GOD MATT WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING I AM TERRIFIED" it ended up being a great party, and a really entertaining chance to play up to stereotypes like silly buggers and pretend to be a girl for the night. I played hard to get, I threw tantrums, I lost my handbag, and was repeatedly touched up by strange men. The defining moment of the night however came at the very end when I was presented with a beautiful home-made valentines card, and - big girl that I'd become - I found it very difficult to stop myself from welling up.
Thank you. You deserve so much better than a slag like me. x
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