2010 is here, and it's hitting me like a ton of bricks. January? That was just a preamble. Looking at my work diary, it's not likely i'll have any free time until Christmas 2010, and not arriving home from work until 9:00 at night has already become a fairly regular occurance.
I'm not complaining about that though to be honest- as painful as it often is, I genuinely love my job. Today however my optimism has been shattered by the realisation that it is however going to utterly destroy my attempt to complete a year of #oneaday, sadly.
I'll keep it up for as long as I can, but unfortunately I just can't work out a way of reasonably accommodating it into my life. My work is utterly draining, and the minor amount of free time and energy I have remaining at the end of each day is going purely into writing this. I barely manage to balance my work and social life as it is, and writing every day is basically removing a huge chunk of the latter. I've barely even had a chance to play videogames since I started, which is an awful shame as it's basically my favourite thing to do.
I'll keep going for as long as I can, but realisations like this that make me genuinely very miserable. I'm naturally driven towards jobs where the work is remarkably hardcore, but at the same time I'm so very jealous of all the people who can be home by 6 every day, and get the luxury of being able to take functional brain home with them too.
The most frustrating thing of all, is that I really want to do this. It means a lot to me, and I love doing it. But I can't keep doing it through bleary eyes late at night, the full extent of my intelligence and creativity quota sapped by a day at the office. I'm an awful perfectionist, and it's not the fact that I have to write every day of the week that I find so upsetting, it's the fact that I know I'm rushing through most of what I write so I can squeeze in a life on the side.
Anyway, fuck this - i''m going to bed.
Showing posts with label #oneaday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #oneaday. Show all posts
Wednesday, 17 February 2010
Saturday, 6 February 2010
Day 33: Bedroom Desk
An upside down carton of Ben & Jerry's; Chocolate Fudge Brownie variety - empty. A Kit Kat Chunky wrapper. A cereal bowl sandwiched between two dirty plates, garnished with forks and spoons. Poking out of bowl is the stringed paper tag of a Peppermint teabag. Beneath all of this is a copy of Bayonetta, and a frayed red pack of Colorama printed photos. The photos are around 10 years old, and depict me and my childhood friends walking around a forest, taking it in turns to dress up as a big pink gay robot called J.I.M.M.Y-12.
Three empty bottled of Carlsberg create a perfect diagonal line towards my small silver PC speakers, which are pumping out Midlake at a considerable volume. Atop the left speaker sits the unboxed disc for Modern Warfare 2, and beside it there is a Tanglewood electronic guitar tuner, and a tall tin of Oust spray. A 22" black LG monitor dominates the glass desk, trapped beneath the corner of its stand is a small felt bag that came with my Flip camera - it's covered in dust, and looks filthy. Three receipts; two from Salisbury's, one from Gamestation. Three pound coins poke out from beneath these, bunched together to create a very rounded tri-force. The torn off corner of the packet of a Nutri-grain elevenses bar. Raisin, obviously.
Two mugs of half finished tea sit to my right - both went cold whilst I was playing Mass Effect 2 or furiously blogging. Drinking tea is great, but sometimes just the process of going to make one is all you need to fire the brain up. My black standard issue Microsoft optical mouse sits atop a 2008 diary; used more effectively now than it was in 2008. This mouse lacks the handy side buttons that the one in the office does - I always forget this and end up instinctively pressing non-existent buttons with my thumb. The cream Microsoft keyboard is six years old, and filthy. I'd like a new one, but it invokes so many memories that I don't have the heart to throw it out.
Behind the keyboard are a pair of 90's styled sunglasses with awful off-white zebra print sides. I bought them for $5 when shopping in the rougher side of downtown LA with a great guy called Paul from OPM Australia. They make me look like a total prick, and I love them to bits. Beneath my keyboard is a black felt tip pen, a bright yellow cigarette lighter, and the wrapper for a Boots nicotine patch. A PSP; no battery. Mass Effect 2, Fallout 3, The Force Unleashed - stacked. A pair of silver nail clippers. A mug of tea - fresh. Hurrah.
Three empty bottled of Carlsberg create a perfect diagonal line towards my small silver PC speakers, which are pumping out Midlake at a considerable volume. Atop the left speaker sits the unboxed disc for Modern Warfare 2, and beside it there is a Tanglewood electronic guitar tuner, and a tall tin of Oust spray. A 22" black LG monitor dominates the glass desk, trapped beneath the corner of its stand is a small felt bag that came with my Flip camera - it's covered in dust, and looks filthy. Three receipts; two from Salisbury's, one from Gamestation. Three pound coins poke out from beneath these, bunched together to create a very rounded tri-force. The torn off corner of the packet of a Nutri-grain elevenses bar. Raisin, obviously.
Two mugs of half finished tea sit to my right - both went cold whilst I was playing Mass Effect 2 or furiously blogging. Drinking tea is great, but sometimes just the process of going to make one is all you need to fire the brain up. My black standard issue Microsoft optical mouse sits atop a 2008 diary; used more effectively now than it was in 2008. This mouse lacks the handy side buttons that the one in the office does - I always forget this and end up instinctively pressing non-existent buttons with my thumb. The cream Microsoft keyboard is six years old, and filthy. I'd like a new one, but it invokes so many memories that I don't have the heart to throw it out.
Behind the keyboard are a pair of 90's styled sunglasses with awful off-white zebra print sides. I bought them for $5 when shopping in the rougher side of downtown LA with a great guy called Paul from OPM Australia. They make me look like a total prick, and I love them to bits. Beneath my keyboard is a black felt tip pen, a bright yellow cigarette lighter, and the wrapper for a Boots nicotine patch. A PSP; no battery. Mass Effect 2, Fallout 3, The Force Unleashed - stacked. A pair of silver nail clippers. A mug of tea - fresh. Hurrah.
Thursday, 4 February 2010
Day 31: Office Desk
A mishmash of important documents and notes - some pristeen and stapled, some older and crumpled. Half a box of Quality Street Matchmakers - 4 months out of date. An Amazon package, unopened. Seasons 1-4 of the X-men cartoon on DVD; eight cases in total, stacked akwardly like a precarious game of Jenga. A single red Bakugan. A pen holder, with various sections; mostly empty - aside from a handful of coppers in the back section. I don't know who put them there - it wasn't me. A tiny piece of purple chalk sits just beside this - too worn down to be of use. A box of dorset cereal - the 'simply delicious muesli' variant. 7/10. A paracetemol box - empty, aside from the instruction leaflet that came in the box (I'll put that in the bin now, actually).
A Dell monitor, sat atop two packs of A4 paper - partly to improve my viewing angle, partly so I can dip my head and avoid becoming distracted by stuff going on behind it. Attached to the monitor is a sheet of paper, folded in half, listing the names, countries, and responsibilities of the main people I deal with on a daily basis, as well as a post it note that simply says OZ in big red letters, to remind me not to forget about Australia. Stuck to the top of my monitor is a tiny die-cast model of princess leia - a secret santa gift recieved last year. It came with a pack of superhero Top Trumps, but i've no idea what happened to them. The top of my monitor also has a cutting from a magazine that simply says : "HEY SON! THAT'S RAD!". Six budget Wii games.
A stylophone; still boxed, no batteries. A fistful of payslips. Four official Nintendo GBA connector cables. A selection of booklets that came in the box with my iPhone. A Natwest card reader. Three packs of Trebor extra strong mints - one half finished. Two partially depleted blister packs of paracetemol (now without a box). A 2010 Argos catalogue; one page ripped out, and kept in wallet. A 'No Fear' branded full face balaclava. An empty bag of swedish sweets called 'Polly'. A tub of Bryllcreem wax. A radiator key. A Panasonic KX-T7665 phone - the handset has a sticker on it depicting the evil train from Zelda: Spirit Tracks. About 15 copies of MCV - many unopened.
A box of value brand ibuprofen. Two cigarette filters in their plastic tube - one end twisted off. A wrapper for an Australian sweet called 'Fantales'. A Street Fighter music collection that came free with PSM3. A Black and Red notebook. A Dell keyboard with multimedia buttons i'll never use. A Dell mouse with the handy side buttons that let you go back and forward through pages. A bowl of chicken noodle laksa soup: Lunch in progress.Two white mugs, branded with the FrankPR logo - one filled with chilled water from the cooler, the other contains a sludge sediment from this morning's coffee.
A Dell monitor, sat atop two packs of A4 paper - partly to improve my viewing angle, partly so I can dip my head and avoid becoming distracted by stuff going on behind it. Attached to the monitor is a sheet of paper, folded in half, listing the names, countries, and responsibilities of the main people I deal with on a daily basis, as well as a post it note that simply says OZ in big red letters, to remind me not to forget about Australia. Stuck to the top of my monitor is a tiny die-cast model of princess leia - a secret santa gift recieved last year. It came with a pack of superhero Top Trumps, but i've no idea what happened to them. The top of my monitor also has a cutting from a magazine that simply says : "HEY SON! THAT'S RAD!". Six budget Wii games.
A stylophone; still boxed, no batteries. A fistful of payslips. Four official Nintendo GBA connector cables. A selection of booklets that came in the box with my iPhone. A Natwest card reader. Three packs of Trebor extra strong mints - one half finished. Two partially depleted blister packs of paracetemol (now without a box). A 2010 Argos catalogue; one page ripped out, and kept in wallet. A 'No Fear' branded full face balaclava. An empty bag of swedish sweets called 'Polly'. A tub of Bryllcreem wax. A radiator key. A Panasonic KX-T7665 phone - the handset has a sticker on it depicting the evil train from Zelda: Spirit Tracks. About 15 copies of MCV - many unopened.
A box of value brand ibuprofen. Two cigarette filters in their plastic tube - one end twisted off. A wrapper for an Australian sweet called 'Fantales'. A Street Fighter music collection that came free with PSM3. A Black and Red notebook. A Dell keyboard with multimedia buttons i'll never use. A Dell mouse with the handy side buttons that let you go back and forward through pages. A bowl of chicken noodle laksa soup: Lunch in progress.Two white mugs, branded with the FrankPR logo - one filled with chilled water from the cooler, the other contains a sludge sediment from this morning's coffee.
Friday, 8 January 2010
Day 5: The post where I start adding titles
Today my inspiration is derived from the first #oneaday post by Andy Johnson - whose musings on the whole insane affair brought a little clarity to a train of thought my mind's been fixated with for the past few days. I'm only on day 4, but already being able to write about anything, and yet having to write something once every day has been interesting in ways I'd not foreseen.
Initially, my fear was simple: How the hell am I going to find the time to write something every day for a year? I won't lie, it's still on my mind. But above this there's a more prominent concern that keeps rushing through my head: How long before I run out of things to say?
No matter how exciting and varied a life you like to think you lead, routine still remains a fairly staple chunk of our lives; relying on the events of each day to provide content might work for a little while, but to rely on every day providing you with something interesting to say would be risky. Andy J reckons we're likely to all start saying 'yes' more; maintaining interesting content by maintaining an interesting life. I can see myself embracing this attitude already, so he's bang on the money. In addition to this, I've found that #oneaday has sparked off another new habit - one that's sent my brain into a dizzying overdrive.
Everything I see - and every thought I have - is being examined. Tested. Pushed to an absolute limit. What can I do with this fleeting thought? Could I write a whole paragraph on that? Do I have the skill to create a whole page?
Scanning through some of the other excellent #oneaday blogs, I get the impression this may be a common theme. Perhaps it's just my imagination, but as I skim between the other blogs I get the sensation of subtle tones bleeding between writers day by day. It gives the entire project a wonderfully evolving nature that I hadn't foreseen - we're all undoubtedly slightly worried of running out of ideas, and as such are open to embracing the ideas that float into our minds more readily than we would otherwise. Few of the pieces are directly connected at first glance, but spend a bit of time soaking up the work of some of the various writers each day and you definitely get a sense of there being a subtle stream of consciousness going on. I'm aware that last sentence may sound genuinely insane, but after twenty minutes of trying to work out how to explain it in better way, I've given up. Please don't have me sectioned. x
When signing up, I assumed I'd just write about games I've been playing, or films I'd seen recently. It's what I've always done - it's safe. But as it's safe, I can bank these ideas indefinitely - I'll save them for a day when I've run out of ideas. I might as well use whatever pops into my mind in the here and now, as there's no guarantee that I'll be able to think of anything tomorrow. Fuck.
Without such strict deadlines, I can guarantee that most of the pieces you'll read on #oneday would have been scrapped. And sure, some of it will sound like self-indulgent shit - but because of the very nature of #oneaday, it kind of can't be - as there's very little intention involved in any of it. I didn't wake up this morning planning to write this, I woke up this morning knowing I had to write something - it just turns out, this is what it is.
Click the link on the right hand side of the blog, and check out what other people have written today. And if you're interested in getting involved, it's not too late - drop @ultrabrilliant a line and join in.
Initially, my fear was simple: How the hell am I going to find the time to write something every day for a year? I won't lie, it's still on my mind. But above this there's a more prominent concern that keeps rushing through my head: How long before I run out of things to say?
No matter how exciting and varied a life you like to think you lead, routine still remains a fairly staple chunk of our lives; relying on the events of each day to provide content might work for a little while, but to rely on every day providing you with something interesting to say would be risky. Andy J reckons we're likely to all start saying 'yes' more; maintaining interesting content by maintaining an interesting life. I can see myself embracing this attitude already, so he's bang on the money. In addition to this, I've found that #oneaday has sparked off another new habit - one that's sent my brain into a dizzying overdrive.
Everything I see - and every thought I have - is being examined. Tested. Pushed to an absolute limit. What can I do with this fleeting thought? Could I write a whole paragraph on that? Do I have the skill to create a whole page?
Scanning through some of the other excellent #oneaday blogs, I get the impression this may be a common theme. Perhaps it's just my imagination, but as I skim between the other blogs I get the sensation of subtle tones bleeding between writers day by day. It gives the entire project a wonderfully evolving nature that I hadn't foreseen - we're all undoubtedly slightly worried of running out of ideas, and as such are open to embracing the ideas that float into our minds more readily than we would otherwise. Few of the pieces are directly connected at first glance, but spend a bit of time soaking up the work of some of the various writers each day and you definitely get a sense of there being a subtle stream of consciousness going on. I'm aware that last sentence may sound genuinely insane, but after twenty minutes of trying to work out how to explain it in better way, I've given up. Please don't have me sectioned. x
When signing up, I assumed I'd just write about games I've been playing, or films I'd seen recently. It's what I've always done - it's safe. But as it's safe, I can bank these ideas indefinitely - I'll save them for a day when I've run out of ideas. I might as well use whatever pops into my mind in the here and now, as there's no guarantee that I'll be able to think of anything tomorrow. Fuck.
Without such strict deadlines, I can guarantee that most of the pieces you'll read on #oneday would have been scrapped. And sure, some of it will sound like self-indulgent shit - but because of the very nature of #oneaday, it kind of can't be - as there's very little intention involved in any of it. I didn't wake up this morning planning to write this, I woke up this morning knowing I had to write something - it just turns out, this is what it is.
Click the link on the right hand side of the blog, and check out what other people have written today. And if you're interested in getting involved, it's not too late - drop @ultrabrilliant a line and join in.
Monday, 4 January 2010
Day 1
Hello there!
I've been inspired by a couple of people from the internet (primarily Mr Andy Kelly) to take on a new challenge for 2010: creating a blog on which i'll be writing something new on every day until I ineviatably forget/give up.
I'll do my best to not just fill it with blabber about games i've been playing and things i've seen on the bus, but at the end of the day i've really not got that much control over how exciting my life is.
Today is my first day back in the office for 2010, which means i'm able to listen to everyone around me proudly share their soon-to-be-doomed fitness regimes whilst I sit back enjoying a fucking massive jacket potato.
I'll do my best to write something semi-proper every day, but there's a good chance i'll struggle to update content when travelling to other countries or entertaining my rather wonderful girlfriend. Days in which I don't eat a baked potato may also be a creative struggle.
"Sooner or later, time will tell."
- Albert Einstein
Or maybe it was Hitler, I can't remember.
I've been inspired by a couple of people from the internet (primarily Mr Andy Kelly) to take on a new challenge for 2010: creating a blog on which i'll be writing something new on every day until I ineviatably forget/give up.
I'll do my best to not just fill it with blabber about games i've been playing and things i've seen on the bus, but at the end of the day i've really not got that much control over how exciting my life is.
Today is my first day back in the office for 2010, which means i'm able to listen to everyone around me proudly share their soon-to-be-doomed fitness regimes whilst I sit back enjoying a fucking massive jacket potato.
I'll do my best to write something semi-proper every day, but there's a good chance i'll struggle to update content when travelling to other countries or entertaining my rather wonderful girlfriend. Days in which I don't eat a baked potato may also be a creative struggle.
"Sooner or later, time will tell."
- Albert Einstein
Or maybe it was Hitler, I can't remember.
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